'Aprendemos a convivir':: conjugal relations, co-parenting, and family life among Ecuadorian transnational migrants in New York City and the Ecuadorian Andes

The aim of this article is to examine conjugal relations, co-parenting and family life among Ecuadorian transnational migrants in New York and the Azuayo-Canari highlands of Ecuador. It counters two commonly-held views of transmigration. Officials and academics often stress the negative impacts of male migration to the USA, arguing that it leads to spousal abandonment. In addition, studies of gender in transnational relationships generally concentrate on women's experiences and lack a more nuanced understanding of men's lives in migration. Based on interviews with both male migrants in New York and women in Ecuador, this research focuses instead on how intact couples work to redefine roles, relationships and family life; how they learn to live side-by-side (aprender a convivir). The article begins with an account of men's adjustment to single life in the city, which is then juxtaposed to women's experiences in the sending villages. The main section presents a narrative of one couple, revealing how they handle remittances, communication, child-raising and their own relationship. Their experiences highlight the tensions and problems faced by young couples starting to form their own autonomous households in a setting increasingly different from that of previous generations. But, despite hardships, such couples often state that their relationship improved after migration.