Secret lives and gender fluidity of people living with HIV in Hyderabad, India

This mixed-methods study sought to explore gender fluidity among people living with human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) in Hyderabad, India, almost all of whom did not identify as hijra. Sixteen gender-nonconforming people living with HIV completed both surveys and in-depth interviews, exploring their experiences with HIV and gender nonconformity stigma. Interviews were conducted in Hindi and Telugu, digitally audio-recorded, then subsequently translated and analyzed in English, using interpretative phenomenological analysis. Our study highlighted three categories of gender expression: (1) "We have to maintain secrecy about our hijra life": Living secret lives; (2) "What happens if my neighbor sees me here?": Contextual disclosure; (3) "Twenty-four hours a day I will wear a sari": Being fully out. Analysis revealed that many gender-nonconforming people reported identifying with two distinct gender identities: one in the daylight, where they identified as men and fulfilled a role of husband and father with their family, and another at night where they identified otherwise-as women, as third gender, as kothis, hijra, transgender. Themes reinforce a phenomenological interpretation of gender identity and expression in the south Indian context, which is grounded in practices regarding identity's embodiment in clothing, vocal intonation, makeup, and context.