Self-Protective yet Self-Defeating: The Paradox of Low Self-Esteem People's Self-Disclosures

People with low self-esteem (LSEs) exhibit an intriguing paradox in their self-disclosures. On the one hand, LSEs adopt a self-protective orientation in their interpersonal lives; they seem to regulate their behavior so as to achieve other people's acceptance, to avoid their rejection, and to lessen the sting of rejection if it does occur. In LSEs' self-disclosures, this self-protectiveness apparently leads them to be less open and self-revealing than people with high self-esteem (HSEs). On the other hand, when LSEs do disclose, they talk more than HSEs about negative emotions and experiences. Such negativity is met with dislike and diminished responsiveness from others. Therein lies the paradox. Despite their usual self-protectiveness and desire to be liked, LSEs express negativity, which other people do not like. We describe this research, offer several possible resolutions to the paradox, and examine research that may bear on these possible resolutions.