'A love/hate relationship': the ideals and experiences of first-time mothers

Motherhood in western societies at the end of the twentieth century is a site of cultural and social contradictions and tensions. Over the past quarter-century, women with children have been encouraged to construct their subjectivities increasingly through activities in the 'public' domain, including through paid labour. Yet they are still also expected to conform to ideals of 'good motherhood'. This article reports on some preliminary findings of a longitudinal study researching first-time parenthood in the 1990s. Drawing on a series of interviews conducted with 25 women just before the birth and over the first six months of their infants' lives, the article focuses on the discourses articulated by the women when describing their ideals of the 'good mother' and their own experiences of mothering. Many women, at least in the early stage of motherhood, found their ideals difficult to achieve. They talked about an ambivalent 'love/hate' relationship with their infants. This ambivalence appeared to emerge from the difficulties they experienced in maintaining an autonomous subjectivity in a socio-cultural context in which they were charged with the primary responsibility for the care of their infants.