The Family Dance: Ambiguous Loss, Meaning Making, and the Psychological Family in Foster Care

This article explores how a child's psychological family can be affected, challenged, and transformed in the foster care system. When placed into foster care, children are often disconnected from many significant relationships, especially familial relationships (e.g., parents, siblings). Similarly, as children navigate their way through the foster care system, placements can change and relationships are formed and dissolved; as a result, children engage in a dance of family formulation, dissolution, and meaning making. The theory of ambiguous loss is used as a guiding framework to explore the choreography of a child's "dance" with family and meaning making during the acculturation into foster care. Jordy is suddenly separated from his parents and siblings and placed into foster care. He is resistant to referring to his new caregivers as "Mom" or "Dad," and he is particularly withdrawn from the other children in the home because Jordy already has siblings and does not want them to be replaced by anyone. After all, Jordy believes that these people are strangers and do not deserve a place in his [psychological] family. Years pass and Jordy has not returned to his original home. While residing in foster care, Jordy has developed strong and loving bonds with his caregivers and the children who are living with him. In fact, he now refers to his caregivers as "Mom" and "Dad" and the other children in the home as his "sisters." Although Jordy still misses his original family, he no longer feels the same degree of stress that he once did when he first entered foster care. When Jordy first entered foster care, he was distrustful of the world and his role within it; however, he has reclaimed his trust and confidence in the world and his future. For the first time in a long time, Jordy feels a sense of security and safety in his life. Most important, Jordy finally feels like he belongs again. As he watches a movie with his sisters, Jordy hears one of the characters say, "Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten." Jordy looks over to smile at his sisters, and to his surprise, they are already smiling back. Two days later, Jordy receives a phone call from his case manager and receives heartbreaking news: Jordy is being placed into another home. It's time to move again.