Interpersonal goals, others' regard for the self, and self-esteem: The paradoxical consequences of self-image and compassionate goals

People often adopt self-image goals to increase others' regard for them and perhaps their own self-esteem. But do these impression management goals achieve their intended result in close relationships? And do they endure over time? We suggest that self-image goals predict decreased self-esteem and close others' regard for the self through decreased responsiveness to others. In contrast, compassionate goals, which reflect a genuine concern for others' well-being, predict increased self-esteem and others' regard through increased responsiveness. We tested these hypotheses in a longitudinal study of college roommates followed across a semester. Path analyses supported both predictions, suggesting a paradox for interpersonal goals in close relationships: explicit attempts to increase close others' regard for the self backfire and damage self-esteem, but having goals to meet others' needs result in others' positive regard and promote self-esteem. Copyright (C) 2011 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.