Memories of desire: reading backwards movement in Rigoberto Gonzalez's Butterfly Boy

Analyzing Rigoberto Gonzalez's memoir, Butterfly Boy: Memories of a Chicano Mariposa, I underscore how a queer Chicanx subject grapples with loss, violence, and non-belonging through the physical and imaginary act of "backwards movement." Gonzalez reaches back into memories that are painful at the same time that they are fulfilling. He takes a journey to Mexico to visit a town that was formative of his youth, and in doing so, creates new meaning. I argue that backwards movement ruptures notions of progress in dominant LGBTQ+ communities by showing the importance of not only moving "forward," but looking at the "backwards" as a site/strategy for survival. The article asks how spatial and temporal movement can highlight queer identity practices that are otherwise rendered invisible due to their orientation to what is considered backwards.