Let's Talk About Sex: A Diary Investigation of Couples' Intimacy Conflicts in the Home

Although intimacy plays a central role in our closest relationships, we know surprisingly little about how couples handle intimacy conflicts in their daily lives. We used 100 married couples' diary reports of 748 instances of naturalistic marital conflict to test whether intimacy as a topic was associated with other conflict topics; conflict characteristics, such as recurrence and significance; and spouses' constructive, angry, and depressive conflict expressions. Results from dyadic hierarchical linear modeling (HLM) revealed that intimacy issues were not likely to be discussed along with other topics (e.g., children, finances). Results also indicated that intimacy conflicts were likely to be recurrent and held relatively high levels of current and long-term importance to the relationship. Husbands and wives generally handled intimacy conflicts in constructive ways (e.g., expressed problem solving and positive emotions). However, husbands' depression symptoms emerged as a potent moderator of how intimacy conflicts were handled: Among couples that included a husband with higher levels of depression symptoms, discussing intimacy in conflict in the home was associated with greater use of angry expressions and depressive expressions by both husbands and wives. The current findings enhance understanding of intimacy conflicts in naturalistic contexts and offer clinical treatment implications and future research directions.